A Visit To George Clooney’s Private Island Paradise

lright, we all know that George Clooney is a rich son of a gun. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s like fine wine—he has aged well. Sadly, a lot of women became torn about wanting to love and hate his wife, a very gorgeous and successful (and very, very intelligent!) lawyer slash activist named Amal Alamuddin. After snagging a powerful woman, Clooney has to go full throttle in keeping her around. After a fairytale wedding in Italy, George continued to spoil his new wife by buying an English manor on a private island to the tune of $12 million dollars. Unsurprisingly, Mrs. Clooney was educated at Oxford, so heh, a mansion overlooking the River Thames is not too shabby. It also helps that Mr. Clooney filmed The Monument’s Men over at the Sonning Eye, which is where the big-ass house is located.

The estate was established in 17th century, and being that old it probably has ghosts. However, at 9,000 square feet and ten rooms, there are plenty of places where the ghosts can hide while the Clooneys are in town. It looks like it could be a place out of “Downton Abbey”, but thanks to its former owner, Omar Bayoumi, the whole property has pretty nifty high-tech upgrades and modern features. Also, if the couple decides that the place is too much, George has other places where they can hang out: a high-end beach compound in Mexico, a mansion in Italy, and a very, very Hollywood-y estate in, where else, LA!

Now, to add insult to injury—here are some photos of their new mansion.

English Manor Exterior

With five acres, privacy won’t be a problem for the lovebirds. Again, as I’ve said, it’s very Downtown Abbey-ish, with the walls covered in ivy. It’s actually very charming and very classy if you think about it. George’s transition from being a notorious playboy to a one-woman man reflects with his decision to buy this property. But then, it’s freaking huge! He can probably build a little shack for a mistress or two by the perimeter of the property, and the missus would never find out because of how big the area is—that’s only if George is gutsy enough. Hear that, George? That’s a challenge, my friend.

Grand Foyer

Of course, a grand couple with a grand home deserve a grand entrance. And you know they’re filthy rich because they have a chandelier in their foyer. I don’t what it is with rich people and a white color scheme. It makes things look so expensive and clean. Not recommending this house for kids—if they’re planning on having kids, that is. Or you know, morbidly curious adults who have constantly dirty hands.

The new Clooney household looks like a museum, and I can’t help but wonder if they’re going to hire someone to shush people when they touch anything or make too much of a racket inside.

Lounge Area

England can get a little chilly during the year, so a fireplace is not uncommon in most households. Plebeians have only one? George and Amal have three (possibly more scattered around the other rooms). The windows are not too bad, either. With an estate so big, there’s probably more wildlife roaming around the grounds, just chilling and feeling psyched that they’re breathing the same air as the Clooneys.

Also, that portrait of the lion above the fireplace looks really, really scary and awesome at the same time. If the couple is keeping it, good for them. If not, can I have it?

Master Suite

Notice the Marilyn Monroe pop art portrait? Aside from having classical furniture and decoration, there are some selected pieces in the house that are from the 60s, adding a pop of color and fun to an otherwise boring and cliché interior. This room has everything—solid wood flooring, a spacious area, and a panoramic view of their island. It probably has it’s own zip code, or something too.

I can see a butler opening up the windows in the morning, waking up the master and the missus, and serving them some fancy organic breakfast in bed. But of course, we’re not sure about that because it’s an island, and a secluded one. Getting news about it is difficult—which is probably better for all of our sanities.

Master Bathroom

Again with the white? And in marble this time? Wow, George really does want the best for his queen, thanks to a bathroom that’s probably bigger than most people’s apartments. Given that the couple might have a taste for all things luxurious, the bathroom isn’t actually as flamboyant as other celebrities’ and has a very classy and elegant look to it.

Looks clean and simple, like an extension of the “museum” in their foyer. Again, I’m beginning to wonder again if they’ve hired an attendant for this bathroom just because they can. Oh well, if you’ve got the money to burn, make sure it’s going to be on something ridiculous.

Kitchen

Now, an area in the estate that looks more modern than the other rooms. It doesn’t look like a museum, and seems like something that you can see in “normal” households. The Clooneys kitchen features more marble and has a humongous center island, as well as a very contemporary design. I don’t know about you guys, but it’s safe to assume that this is going to serve as the playground for their personal chef and less of a place where Amal can practice her cooking expertise.

Dining Room

I spy another fireplace and a chandelier. This is actually their “formal” dining room, so maybe they have a smaller dining room just for the two of them. It offers another great view of the estate’s grounds, and for some reason, it has a large mirror? Oh well, rich people have weirder quirks than normal people.

It’s a great place for them to entertain their other rich celeb pals like the Jolie-Pitts. They just need to be careful with the Jolie-Pitt offspring and their tiny kiddie hands.

Library

For a place as big as this estate, you’d expect a home library that beats all other home libraries (do people still have books at home? Or has technology effectively killed all printing material?) Nothing to write home about—it’s just a room with some shelves. But seeing that Amal is a well-educated woman from Oxford University, she must’ve collected enough books (mostly stuff about law, I bet. I highly doubt she reads chick lit) to last her a lifetime. Or better yet, George should renovate the house and build her a larger library with a larger collection of books. First editions in mint condition preferred.

Gym

Of course, what else do we expect from a couple that looks so perfect? They need their own private gym to maintain themselves. They’ve both already worked so hard on establishing their names, so why not work harder in order to look good while doing so? The gym may not look much right now (based on the photos), but there’s a solid chance that it’s going to be pimped with the latest in fitness technology. And all of this will probably remain unused for the most part of the year. Excuse me while I cry into a bowl of ice cream about my life choices.

Backyard

Okay, they have a backyard. No big deal. I’m guessing you had one while growing up. But did you have one where you can sail a boat in? I don’t think so. There’s also an amazing view of the River Thames, which is probably a big deal to some people. I’m more excited about the possibility that there might be some ducks and swans roaming around in there, or some koi fish. I’m not sure, but it’s infinitely better than other backyards I’ve seen—heck, George might hook it up with its own rollercoaster or Kid-A-Pult a la “Richie Rich”.

Private Island

And now, this is what the island looks like from a distance. I’d suggest that they build a moat, but I think the sea has them covered, along with the Loch Ness Monster. It could also be a setting for one of those murder mysteries, by the looks of it. Oh well, it’s their house. Here’s to hoping that the happy couple can bring the estate to life— maybe some kids in the future, or may I suggest adopting someone *cough ME cough*. Seeing that it’s a bit rural and remote, and for $12 million you can’t help but wonder—IS THERE WIFI ON THE ISLAND?